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Glimpses into the past Well, I've had a fairly mixed morning. I've been to the doctor and had the necessary test done. She seemed to think everything was ok, but I will have to await the letter of results before I'm sure. The weather has turned out very humid and grey - so much for the promising start. No rain yet, but looks threatening. And, of course, neck, legs & back have responded by aching. Not too bad, but enough to put me off writing for the day. Instead, I decided to tackle the ironing - I've 2 pairs of lightweight trousers, either of which would be nice to wear tomorrow (I'm going to meet a friend in Manchester) but both needed ironing. Anyway, they're now done, so I have a choice for the morning. Whilst doing that (I iron in my 'study') I decided it was time to scan in some slides that my daughter had given me prior to her wedding. They're my slides, 6 boxes of them, dating back until before I was married, all of them connected to me and the family. Seems my ex thought he should keep them, but my daughter persuaded him to give them to her. As I was given a scanner that can scan slides by my partner last birthday, I'm now in a position to copy them to disc and so she handed them over to me. I started, naturally I thought, with the box marked 'Family 1'. The first was of my Gran Doughty, my father's mother, who died not many months after the photo was taken. I'd forgotten about it, as one does. I paused to take stock, then scanned it in. Photos of my ex sister-in-law and her young baby son followed. There were some of my ex that I haven't scanned. Our first home - a bungalow - in the process of being decorated. And two of my own wedding. No idea who took them. But there they were, as clear as they could be considering that they date from 1971. I wasn't quite sure what to do with them at first. But I reflected that it's a part of my personal history, was an important day in my life, and thus I should scan them in. So I have. For now though, I've stopped scanning. There's only just so many glimpses from the past that I can handle in one day. Posted 1.30pm BST
Friday 30th July Early morning Woke up about 6.20 and couldn't get back to sleep so eventually gave in and got myself a cup of tea about 7am. It's a beautiful morning - bright blue skies, sunshine, very still - no breeze from what I can tell by looking at the ash tree in a neighbour's garden. Promises to be a scorcher. Think I'll be staying inside in the cool for the day! First, though, I have to go to the local surgery for my three-yearly smear test. Hate going. I know it's essential but it doesn't mean that I have to like the process of someone poking a stick up inside of me. Best get it over with, though. One day I might be grateful. Yesterday, as predicted, I didn't get any writing done at all. I still want to write up my Bergen journal, or at least do a Bergen page for my Cityscapes writing 'sketches'. Then, of course, there's the novel. The working title is 'Staff of Yhazeem' but it could change to 'Arripesh' or something completely different. Hopefully I'll manage some writing of some description later... Posted 8.15am BST
 Emergency spoof You just have to visit this Preparing for Emergencies site - a spoof, of course, but the government have 'asked' that the site be removed as it could 'confuse people'. The owner has so far refused - after all, this country does supposedly have free speech... Posted 6.50pm BST
Thursday 29th July Park Decided that I wasn't going to get any writing done this morning, so went up to our local park. Took my notebook and sketchpad, in the hope that I would be inspired. Well, I didn't get any writing done, but did sit on a shaded bench and sketched the park offices - originally, this was the manor house, the park being what used to be private gardens. Now, the council-run park has district heritage status (which means it's protected and eligible for grants) and the house is the council Park Offices for Sheffield. My sketch is below - not brilliant, but I'm reasonably pleased with it, and at least it gives you a rough idea of the place. Now, though, it's time for lunch then a rest in a cool room!!!  Posted 12.15pm BST
Thursday 29th July Hotting up Had a job to wake up this morning and when I did, found that my leg was very painful. The pain's wearing off now, but think I should go for a walk, as sometimes that helps. The problem with that is, when it's hot, I find it very tiring. So the best time for walking is in the morning, before the sun gets too high. But my best time to write is also in the morning - in fact, if I wait until the afternoon I won't write a thing. Which leaves me in a slight quandary. Suppose I could wait and have my walk late this afternoon... but then I'll feel too tired. <sigh> There's still the ironing to do as well. But in this heat it will be difficult. Extreme temperatures always make the FM worse - too hot or too cold, or too damp, and the pain and tiredness increase. What I like is temperatures of about 20C, dry and sunny!!! Posted 9am BST
Wednesday 28th JulyMoon phases Just found a site with moon phases on so have added it to my blog - see the info panel on the left... Posted 7.10pm BST.
Wednesday 28th July Still haven't done the ironing...! Ah well, never mind. Perhaps I can get away without ironing the beige jeans that I was going to wear tomorrow? If the weather stays warm, I can always wear my skirt again instead. I've read a bit more, been to the local shops, had lunch, then slept for an hour and a half. I could have stayed in bed longer but there was a fair amount of noise outside (turns out builders are knocking down the chimney of a nearby house) and I decided that if I slept any longer, I wouldn't sleep tonight. I thought about going out, but the weather clouded over at that point so instead I played Star Wars Galaxies. And was delighted to find that my son was on - it's been weeks since we've played together. Exchanged some family news as well as game news, had a few breaks for cups of tea etc so that I didn't screw up my arms or neck or shoulders or back too much (back is aching a bit now) and thoroughly enjoyed the afternoon. My partner won't be home until 8'ish, so I've time for another read before having to cook dinner. I suppose I could do the ironing now instead of reading, but the book is far more tempting! Until tomorrow, folks, have fun... Posted 6.50pm BST
Wednesday 28th July Fun! I love it when that happens. There I was, thinking that I knew what was going to occur next when bang! the story took me by the hand and led me in a different direction! An unplanned earthquake, a possible demise that I hadn't foreseen - great stuff. It means my ideas will have to fit around it, but it feels right. And I'm already plotting the next moves... Only about 600 words today, but I'm pleased with that. Earlier I'd doubted that I could write anything, I felt so tired. I talked myself into opening the document and reading through what I'd written yesterday, making a few minor changes. Doing that often kickstarts my creative juices, and it certainly did this morning. I'd like to do more but my brain is fogging over again already and I know that I've done enough. Yesterday it took me several hours of rest and exercise to disperse the pains in my neck and shoulder from having been at the PC too long. I don't want the same to happen today. So I'm going to have a break. Think I'll go out and buy some bits & pieces from our local chemist and corner shop, then perhaps read some more of the Raven Warrior before having lunch... Posted 11.40am BST.
Wednesday 28th July Tired again... Feel as though I could go back to bed and curl up for the day... but I won't. Always seems like giving in when I do that. Instead I'll take it easy for an hour or so, and hope that I eventually wake up enough to do some more writing. Have had one or two more ideas about how the story is going to develop, and about the characters. I only hope that I can manage to put them into the tale as I want - concepts are one thing, being able to actually produce the writing itself is another. My last attempt at a novel ended when I found that it had become too convoluted. I don't want that to happen again... Anyway, going to get myself a cup of tea and attempt to wake up!!! Posted 9am BST
 Progress... Have written roughly 1000 words this morning, and progressed the story line rather satisfactorily. It will, as always, need to be refined later but I'm pleased with the developments. And that I've left it at a stage where I can continue with some action... My neck, though, is now quite painful, and I'm beginning to wilt. Never mind, will rest for a bit, perhaps take that walk to the park that I've promised myself, even though the skies are still grey and overcast. The fresh air, however, will do me good, as will the exercise...  A minor excitement - our bin lorry got stuck due to badly parked cars. Our road is very narrow and it's difficult for any lorry to get up and down as it is. But when a driver leaves their car a foot or so away from the kerb, as they did this morning, it means that there isn't enough room for large vehicles to get past. After the bin men knocked on my door trying to find out if I knew who owned the offending vehicle, I helped them in their search (the driver was eventually found). A chat with one of my neighbours resulted, so have had a fairly pleasant half-hour exchanging gossip and news. Anyway, time for lunch and a cup of tea...  
Posted 12.25pm BST
Tuesday 27th July Another grey morning Apparently it's sunny down in Cambridge, according to my sister. It's not here, looks as grey as it was yesterday. Hopefully the sun will eventually decide to come out here as well... Ah well, never mind. I'm hoping to do some more writing today, even if it's only a few words - every little helps. Last night I had a think about the novel, and the characters. I rather like them, but haven't yet worked out all their details. I know that I probably should but if I do that, then I find that they become rather stale - to me, at any rate. I prefer to let them grow naturally, although the basics of their personalities are already fairly set by letting them develop I can allow them to change - as people do... Well, we won the cricket, so at least England has something to be pleased about. As for the bus strike, it's still ongoing with no sign of it ending - yet. My partner was going to sort out his bike but it's still sitting downstairs waiting for him to do the necessary checks before he can ride it into work. Although he's managed to get a bus from one of the other companies in every day so far, he's ended up walking home 2 or 3 times, or resorted to a taxi. Was very achy when I woke up, probably due to the damp weather. Stiffness is easing a little now, hopefully it won't keep me from writing and going for a short walk later to get my daily exercise... Posted 9.15am BST
 Cricket Looks as though we're going to win! I watched for a while, but now have a live scorebox on my PC so I can keep an eye on what's happening. Just one more wicket needed... Have made a few notes about my book, and read some more of Alice Borchardt's book 'Raven Warrior'. Excellent writing. I would have read more but as normal my hands and eyes began to ache so I'm taking a break. Think I'll play Star Wars Galaxies for a while, for once reckon I deserve an hour or two of pure escapism!!! Posted 2.50pm BST
Monday 26th July Progress Well, I've done some more writing, making a few alterations to the start of Chapter 2 and adding a few paragraphs. Only about 500 words in total but it's a start, and I'm pleased that I've finally got back into writing mode. I rarely write much per day any more. When I was running my play-by-mail game I could manage as many as 5000 words a day. Now I think I've done well if I write a fifth of that. But I know that my writing is now stronger and better crafted than it was then - not a false boast, but based on a) an aquisition of a more critical eye during the creative writing course that I completed and b) by re-reading what I used to write I can now see the faults. I also believe that the more I work on stories, books or whatever, the more I'm able to develop my craft. And it is a craft. I once read that it takes an author at least a million words to begin to master writing, however talented they might be. In my experience, that's probably not far wrong - although perhaps it should be nearer 5 million!!! Time for another break from the computer (I've had 3 or 4 so far this morning). Hang out the washing. Have lunch. Watch some cricket (assuming that they're still playing). Perhaps a nap. No more writing today though, apart from jotting down a few notes. I've learned from bitter experience not to push myself too far. And then, hopefully, I'll be able to write again tomorrow... Posted 12.30pm BST
Grey morning The sky is grey, it feels damp, my muscles ache and I'm still half asleep. Doesn't sound a great start to another week, but I'm determined that at some point I'm going to do some writing. I need to write. I want to write. But will I? I keep getting diverted by other things. Like working on my web site. Yesterday I made a graphic for my title bar, and am fairly pleased with the result. Nothing stunning. Not even exciting. But at least it adds a splash of colour to my home page. Now, I want to add more graphics. More colour. Including something more interesting for my blog page. I had a look at BlogSkins site, thinking that I could download one of there's and work on it. But in the end I wasn't convinced that the ones I saw were what I wanted. So having spent an hour or more surfing, I achieved little. Fairly typical. Being a Sunday, I spent time with my partner. It's one of the few days of the week when we have chance to be together, exchange ideas, chat and generally enjoy being with each other. So I didn't expect to do any writing yesterday. Our time together is rather special. But even so, I was in my study for a fair while, and he was upstairs in the attic room doing his 'thing'. It's what we do. Chatting via the stairs!!! He needs space, the same as I do. He also needs to be able to relax on his PC. Understandable. And in the afternoon we went out to our local retail park, browsed the shops and then came home to have a cup of tea and generally lounge around. It was nice, cosy and predictable. Important to us both. And I wouldn't do anything else. But it doesn't get me any further with my writing. I'm currently reading 2 books - the first is Norwegian Folk Tales, bought in Bergen. Short tales of princesses, trolls and an assortment of animals. Fun, easy to read, but also a possible source of material for my fantasy stories. I'm also reading the second in a trilogy by Alice Borchardt. I love her books. Full of visual delights and imaginative magic that breaks the mould of many fantasy concepts. At the moment, she is my heroine. I want to write like her - not in her exact style, of course, but in a way that captures the visions of the mind and brings them to the reader in a believable form. But first, I have to get back into writing. I will. Today. Hmm. Check later to see if I manage to or not!!!! Posted 9.10am BST
 Early riser Woke early (for a Sunday) and couldn't get back to sleep so have made myself a cup of tea and settled by the computer whilst my partner dozes on (I wouldn't want to wake him). I think I'm over the 'hump' now, feeling even brighter this morning and was even able to get into town yesterday afternoon to do some shopping. Town was very quiet - it appears that the bus strike has taken it's toll on trade. We got in ok on the bus but after waiting over half-hour for one to get home, we eventually gave in and got a taxi - as you can imagine, their trade is booming. Talks between company and bus drivers apparently collapsed on Friday with no deal having been made. Now the company are saying that they're going to bring in managers and supervisors from all across the country to drive the buses as of tomorrow. I will refuse to use them (unless really desperate). It appears that First are all for profit (reports of how much they are losing per day compared with the paltry sums they are offering their drivers make it clear that the company should have enough to pay more) and don't treat their staff well. The drivers are just being angered even more by what the company are doing and saying. As an ex-union officer who has seen such tactics employed before to manipulate, blackmail and even threaten workers, I'm with the strikers. I've had a lot of time to think this last week. And I've had much to think about after the wedding last weekend. Several things happened or were said that made me realise that I did, indeed, make the right decision 14 years ago to split with my 'ex'. We weren't compatible. Perhaps I didn't end the marriage in the best way - walking out as I did must have been horrendous for my teenage children. My intention at the time was to try to get my 'ex' to discuss the situation with me, to get him to listen to what I was saying after several months of failing to do just that. What happened was that we never got back together. And at the time I was so down that I could see no other way. It seems now that we are both happier with new partners. I certainly am. Me and my partner managed one dance last Saturday before my legs gave way and I was forced to sit out the rest. But the loving look in his eyes as we danced will stay with me for a long time, as will the warmth of being so close. Call me a romantic. I don't care. I'm very, very happy and very much in love!!! Posted 8.30am BST.
 Still tired Well, yesterday did turn out to be a 'no' day. I had several naps during the day and couldn't concentrate on anything for long. Probably the price I had to pay for enjoying myself for a few days!!! This morning I'm still tired and feeling under par. Will see what happens. But suspect that I'm not going to be doing much today either. Am brighter mentally, anyway, and no doubt will recover soon. Just a typical FM 'low' that I get every now and then. I did manage to get a bit more of my site refreshed using Composer, but doubt that I'll do much more to it for now. I still, however, haven't got back into writing, hopefully next week... for now, though, think I'll just rest again! Posted 11.15am BST
 Feeling low The sun is shining, the swifts are happily singing, it's warm. I should be feeling great, but I'm not. I feel down, useless, queasy, achy and generally 'off'. Think I'm going to slump downstairs and have breakfast, maybe watch some cricket, or go back to sleep. I hate these kind of days - I know that eventually I'll brighten up, but for now all I want to do is curl up and do not a lot. Although what I'll probably do is put the washing in the machine, then come back up here and play Star Wars Galaxies or some other game for a while. Then moan because I still feel tired, knowing that what I should have done was to go back to sleep for an hour or so!!! Ah well, never mind. Just one of those 'bad FM' days that plague me from time to time. I should be used to them, and in a way I am. But it doesn't mean that I have to like feeling this way when what I really want to do is go for a long walk in the sun, perhaps do some painting or sketching, and generally enjoy being alive. Maybe I'll go out in a bit, might do me good to go to the local park. If I have enough energy... grrrr. Posted 10.10am BST.
 Web Creator Aaaaargh!!!!!!! All that work I did yesterday was for nothing!!!!! Minutes after the last post, I decided to go into Web Creator and start work on my pages once more. Now, for some reason completely unbeknown to me, the pages I so carefully crafted yesterday have changed. I can no longer get the long texts to open. I tried altering the site settings, only to find it seems to have messed up everything. I screamed. Just a little. And very nearly threw the software box across the room. I've now come to the conclusion that my site will stay pretty much the same. It is NOT worth the hassle, the stress or the time. I may still alter a few things in Netscape Composer. But instead of going crazy in an attempt to get a snazzy looking site with free or cheap software that obviously isn't up to the job, I'm going down for breakfast, put on the washing then I'll come and play Star Wars Galaxies... I think I'm in desperate need of being an alter-ego for the day!!! Posted 10.15am BST
Thursday 22nd JulyBuses and designing Another missed blog day!!! Mainly because I decided to try and completely redo my web site, using software that I bought for a tenner on Monday. Faffing around with that and various other free software that I downloaded from Tucows meant that I became frustrated with them all and too tired to do anything else. Still, I've eventually decided that the bought software might be ok, although a bit basic, so will plod along with that for now. Only wish I could afford one of those expensive packages from Macromedia but after the holiday and the wedding, my bank balance has decided that I'm not going to buy anything apart from essentials for quite a while! I can understand why the bus drivers working for our biggest bus company in Sheffield have now gone on strike. Their pay is appalling. The company have made an offer that they refuse to negotiate over further, and whilst the new pay deal isn't too bad, the fact that the company is not going to even consider back pay to April 1st - when any new deal should be paid from - and has included certain other conditions (like two bank holidays no longer being considered bank holidays as far as extra pay for the drivers is concerned), then you can see why the drivers are so incensed. Personally, I'd be out there with them if I was a driver. Unfortunately, the lack of buses (the company account for 70% of buses in Sheffield) means that the rest of us are having to work out different means of transport. Difficult for those of us who don't have cars (and even if you have a car and work in the city centre, lack of parking means you can't use them anyway). The up side is that we're close to a major road that links Sheffield to Chesterfield. Their buses, being in a different county and run by a different company, are running. Which means that they are taking advantage of the situation and stopping at stops they normally speed past. Also, we have one bus run by another, smaller, company that provides a reasonable service during the day - no evenings, or Sundays, but I can live with that! - so that I do have some public transport still available to me. Just as well, as most days I find it hard to walk very far, especially up hill (where the nearest shopping centre is located). It means that I now have to think of the time when I decide to go anywhere, instead of just turning up at our local bus stop knowing that a bus will usually arrive within 5 to 10 minutes, and am limited to where I can go. But I'm not going to complain. Yet. And say to all First bus drivers currently out on strike, good luck, and stay out as long as you need to. Posted 9am BST
Wedding and all that jazz Apologies again for the delay in posting. This due to the fact that last week was (a) busy and (b) very tiring. Mainly because I had a lot to do, for once, and had to get things ready for my daughter's wedding. Also, my health wasn't great, luckily an acupuncture session last Wednesday helped me to recover in time for the 'big day'. The wedding itself was a great success - bride looked lovely (ok, I'm biased, but I thought she did!!!), the hotel venue was superb and the weather decided to behave - although the humidity got to everyone. We went down to my daughter's on the Friday, a long journey by trains, including a trip on the Underground across London. There we were met by my now son-in-law and taken to the hotel to meet his folks and best man. The evening went well, all of us being joined by my daughter for a meal. As I'd never had any contact with the in-laws before then I was rather nervous, but we got on well - fortunately. Next morning we were ferried by car to the wedding venue itself - a different hotel, set in lovely grounds near Farnham, Surrey. Along with several helpers, me and Libby (the other 'mum') set up table decorations, cake and various other items that my daughter had 'asked' us to do. During this various other guests kept arriving, my mobile kept ringing, and I was glad when I was eventually able to sneak off to our room and change in relative peace! Although I was determined to enjoy myself (which I did) there were some fairly nervy moments as my ex's family (both old and new) slowly appeared on the scene. Being hugged by my ex-sister-in-law and her husband was a lovely surprise, as was meeting Lisa, my god-daughter, for the first time for 14 years. In fact, I was pleased with the greetings I got from all my ex's 'old' family, a strange reunion after such a long time parted. As for my ex, all of my family, none of whom had seen him for several years (it's been 9 since I last saw him) were surprised at how he's aged. Perhaps we shouldn't have been - he is, after all, 7 years older than me. However, the chats we had were cordial and even friendly, something that I'd hoped they would be. The wedding itself left me dabbing at the tears I vowed I wouldn't shed!!! But then, it's not every day your daughter gets married. My son did a great job as chief usher, and it was wonderful to have time with his family as well as with the other guests. All in all, a lovely weekend, despite the fact that we left earlier than planned on the Sunday as I was so tired. It's taken this long to recover enough to write anything. Hopefully, my blog will now return to a more frequent updating. And here for your enjoyment, is a photo of the bride and groom and one of them with my son and his partner (who tell me that their wedding will be next!):   Posted 11.45am BST
Home and down... Well, it's been a long time coming, this update - sorry to those of you who've been checking eagerly for the next instalment!!! Well, we had a great holiday. I loved Bergen and would go back again given the opportunity and the money. Very expensive, but the spectacular scenery, the ambience and the people certainly made up for that. I wrote a journal whilst away and hope to type it up and publish here at some point. But for now I'm still trying to recover enough energy to do anything. As normal, I pushed myself to my limits and beyond whilst away, and am suffering for it now. My partner has returned to work today and to be honest I feel pretty low - only 11am and I miss him already. Not in the mood to write so this will be it for now - at least you know I'm back and haven't deserted the blog completely!!! Posted 11.20am BST
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